How Do You Keep A woman Who Has Outgrown Your Financial Status Happy?
We were friends on Facebook for years. I don’t remember how our friendship started on Facebook but we found ourselves chatting every day and commenting on each other’s posts. One day we took the conversation to messenger and it lasted for the whole day. She lived in Wa and was schooling in one of the technical universities up north. While we were friends, we talked about meeting sometimes. She agreed to visit me in Accra since she hadn’t traveled to Accra before. Whenever it was time for her to come, something will come up and she’ll change her mind. For close to four years, we were only virtual friends who pretended we knew each other because we talked every day.
When it was time for her to select the regions for her national service, she told me, “I want to select Greater Accra so I’ll get the opportunity to see Accra and be in Accra.” I told her, “That’s a great idea but it’s tough down here. To get accommodation as national service personnel isn’t easy.” She said, “When I get to the bridge, I’ll plan on how to cross it so let’s remain hopeful.” Honestly, I wasn’t hopeful because I didn’t think she’ll be posted to Accra in the first place.
She called me one day and said, “I got Accra so get ready. I’m coming.” I was so excited that finally, I was going to meet her. Luckily, where she was placed was only 45 minutes drive from my office. That increased the excitement for me. A few days before coming to Accra, we discussed where she was going to stay. She said she had a friend she could stay a day or two with to look for accommodation. Unfortunately for her, the day she was coming to Accra, that friend of hers was also traveling out of Accra. So I spoke to a friend of mine who agreed to host her for a couple of days.
She arrived in Accra at dawn. I was at the station waiting when her bus arrived. She hugged me. She said, “At long last, we are here.” I said, “At long last, the universe had been merciful unto us.” She was more beautiful in person than in pictures. I told her that. She laughed. She said, “You’re also handsome in person.” I took her home and later took her to meet that my friend. The two struck an acquaintance immediately. I left her there and later in the day went for her.
I had to take a week off from work to help her look for accommodation. After engaging with several agents who took our money and gave nothing in return, we found a place closer to her office. It was quite expensive than she budgeted for so I had to add up for her to get the place. Days later, she went back to the north and brought all her things to begin life in Accra. She didn’t know anyone so if there was something she needed, she would call me and I will get it for her. Every day after work, I will go to her place, stay for a while before going to my house.
Love developed. I told her. She asked, “So you’re sure there’s no one in your life?” I said, “There’s no one. If you say yes to me, there would be only you in my life.” She smiled. The next phrase I expected to hear was “Give me some time to think about it.” I was wrong. She nodded her head. She said, “Let’s do it. I’ve always thought about us being together eventually so let’s do it.” “Is that a yes?” I asked. She said, “Yes, that’s a yes.” So that day, at the corner of her single room, our love journey began. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I said in my heart, “If this works, it would be my last stop.”
Life at the start was very difficult. She wasn’t earning so I had to give her money every week. That aside, I was the one paying for the house utilities—water bill, garbage bill, ECG prepaid, and any other bill that arose from her existence in that house. Though it was hard, I took it all in, waiting for her allowance to start coming so the burden on me would reduce. Things became even harder after she completed her national service and was not working. I renewed her rent all by myself and kept her afloat until she got a very lucrative job a year later.
She was a very good person so doing things for her didn’t hurt. There was only one problem. She had a lot of people telling her that she was beautiful so it got into her head. She got at least three people proposing to her in a day. She would call me on the phone and tell me, “Guess what happened today. I met a man today and he said he wants to make me his wife.” If it’s not a man who wants to make her a wife, it’s about a guy who wants to date her because she is beautiful. All that went into her head so she started putting up attitude.
One day, I was out with her when I left our table to go and place an order. By the time I returned, another guy was sitting in my chair. I stood aside waiting for him to get up. She pointed at me and told the guy, “You’re in his chair.” The guy looked at me said, “Oh you’re with her? Sorry.” He then walked out of my chair embarrassingly. When the guy had gone, she told me, “Don’t you feel lucky sometimes?” I asked, “Lucky about what?” She said, “To have something that everybody wants. Doesn’t it make you feel special?” I said, “It’s their problem, not mine. They are chasing after what they can’t have so…” She said, “You should start paying for all this favor I’m doing you. Someone might have left you, you know.”
She laughed after saying that so I took it as a joke though it made me angry.
Another day, we were in a queue buying waakye. She was the one with the money so I stood aside while she joined the queue. The man behind her started chatting with her. I didn’t hear what they were saying but the look on her face said the man was trying to pick on her. She laughed a lot. She shook her head once in a while. It got to her turn. She bought the waakye and the man said something to the seller. I saw her shaking her head. When she was about to leave, the man picked his phone and asked for her number. She pointed at me and said something. The man looked at me, put his phone in his pocket, and turned around.
She was laughing as she was coming towards me. I wasn’t happy. The pressure was slowly getting to me. She said, “Someone decided to buy you a breakfast today. That guy you saw me talking with paid for the waakye.” I didn’t say a word. She thought I was angry so she continued explaining herself. She said, “I didn’t want to accept it but he was forcing it. I didn’t want to embarrass him.” That day, she made that statement again, “Dating a girl like me gets you a free breakfast. You should start paying for all that.” That day, I got angry. I told her, “Don’t let things get into your head. You’re just like every other lady I’ve met. Don’t be full of yourself.”
If there is something she wanted and I didn’t get it for her, she would be angry. She wanted a new place. She said she had outgrown the space she’s in. She told me, “I have some of the amounts with me. I will need you to popup for me to get a new place.” I told her, “The tides are low. I’m not in the position to get you that amount. Wait a little bit.” She said, “You always don’t have money so how do you expect us to survive?” Then she made that crazy statement again, “Someone out there would be willing to buy me a house but you’re here telling me you don’t have money to rent a place.”
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She touched my ego with that statement. I told her point-blank, “Go and look for that someone who will buy you a mansion and leave me alone. You’re too full of yourself. Do you think you can have everything by a snap of your fingers because you’re beautiful? This is Accra. Many have come with dreams like yours. Ask me where they are now. Go ahead. Get yourself another man and leave me alone.” We had a standoff that lasted for a week. She called to apologize. I forgave her. She asked me, “If I get someone who will help me rent a place with no strings attached, should I accept it?” I asked, “Do you have someone who is ready to do that?” I was only testing her intentions. She said, “If you tell me to go ahead, I can give it a try.”
As I’m writing this story, she lives in a two-bedroom house at Shiashi. A place she pays half of my salary as rent every month. How did she do it? She told me, “A good samaritan came to my rescue. He’s nothing to me so don’t get it twisted.” “Who is that good samaritan?” It’s been several months already and that question hasn’t been answered.
I’m scared I’m losing her. I can’t keep up with her demands but she gets “a good samaritan” all the time to provide for her. I’m always asking questions; “Where did you get this?” “Who gave you that? Who is he to you that he bought this for you?” Answers have been scanty but through it all, she hasn’t changed towards me. She still acts normal around me. She comes to me often after work. Everything she does makes me feel she’s still committed to the relationship but I’m still scared. It’s like smelling broken heart in the air but holding your breath. The scent will remain but how long can you hold your breath?
Recently, I’ve thought about letting her go so I can keep my mind at ease. She has outgrown every mold I placed her in and is now out of my hand. If I let her go, I can have my mind at ease without worrying about anyone coming to snatch her from me. Do you think it’s a good idea to let a girl go just because she has outgrown your financial status? I’m doing this to stop me from worrying about the future of us. And I’m doing this to also set her free to explore whatever desires she has in her heart. Set the one you love free, remember? When she comes back to you then it’s meant to be. Is that applicable in my situation? Please help.