I’ve Lost Interest In My Own Wedding Because Of My Mother In-Law
My husband-to-be told me, “She’s doing what she’s doing out of care.” I told him, “I know she cares but that same care should let her know that people want to be in charge of their own wedding because, in the end, it’s their wedding. They are the ones going to experience everything so they owe it to themselves to make the experience worth it. Tell your mother to leave the key things to us. It’s our wedding.” We had this conversation because I couldn’t sit still and watch while his mother takes over everything concerning our wedding.
After we had that discussion, I thought he was going to be sympathetic towards my feelings but he said, “You’re only blowing the whole thing out of proportion. She’s trying to help because you’re an in-law and she loves you.”
That wasn’t the first time he had picked the side of his mother. He had taken the side of his mother in virtually everything concerning our wedding. We chose a location for our wedding reception. It was a very small place that didn’t cost us so much. We agreed with the owner of the place and gave him assurance that we were going to make payment. That very day that we were supposed to make the payment, we were with his mother when he told her that we were going to pay for the venue. His mother asked, “Where and how much are they charging?” He told her. She screamed, “That’s quite expensive. Don’t you know Agya Ansah’s place is also used for a wedding reception? He’s my friend, let’s go and talk to him first.”
I asked, “How far is it?” She said, “Oh it’s not too far from the church. It’s a beautiful garden that everyone around here does their wedding.” We followed her to the place. First, the distance was farther than we anticipated. When we got there, I asked my husband, “Is that the garden?” He said, “I don’t know. If it is, she’ll tell us.” His mother said, “So this is the place. The flowers had died because we are in the dry season but it’s a good place nonetheless.”
I looked at my husband’s face and he also looked at me. I looked at the floor—bare ground. No pavement or grass. I mean dusty ground. He said, “Yeah, that’s ok. I think we can take this one.” He turned to me and asked, “Or Owusuaa?” I said, “No the other place is better. It’s closer and it has beautiful scenery we can use for photos. His mother quipped in, “You’re a young couple. You need to save money for the future. Take this place and use that money for something else.”
That evening, I told my husband-to-be, “We can’t have a reception at that place. Ad3n? Are we the only poor people in this town?” We argued. He said, “If we go against my mother, she would be angry. Let’s take it just to make her happy. There are better days ahead.”
The wedding is happening in my church. The pastor who is counseling us had been my pastor since I was a child. He’s quite an old man with wisdom abound. We’ve had several sessions with him and each moment we spend with him, he gives us something to laugh about or something to hold on to. He’s the one going to officiate our wedding and it’s something known to us both. One evening my Husband-to be called. “Owusuaa…” When he mentions my name first before saying anything, then it means he’s going to ask me to do something I might not want to do.” I asked, “What do you want me to do?” He said, “Is it possible to talk to Reverend so we make our family pastor officiate the wedding?”
I asked, “Who is asking for that?” He said, “Oh no one. I’m just thinking our family pastor would be good to officiate the event since he’s been the one to officiate everything in our family.” I asked, “Your mother asked you to do that?” He said, “Noooo, not her. I’m the one thinking that way.” I said, “It’s not possible. We are not getting married in your pastor’s church. He can attend as an invited pastor but he can’t be the one to officiate.” He didn’t say anything again.
I went to see him in the house one day and his mother met me. She asked, “Were you able to talk to your pastor about what I asked my son to tell you?” I said, “Yes I did but he said it’s not allowed in our church.” She said, “What about allowing him to preach that day? That is also not allowed?” I said, “Unless I seek clarification from him.” She said, “Please do. This man we are talking about is a great man of God. He baptized your husband and he had officiated hundreds of marriages and none had ended in divorce. I wish he would be the one to put his hands over your heads.”
I breathed out heavily and left.
When I saw him I asked, “So it was your mother’s idea after all?” He didn’t say a word.”
We are only one month two weeks away from the wedding. We’ve spoken to a lot of cooks, looking to get the best deal for our wedding. Some quoted quite outrageous prices and others are also moderately priced. We haven’t settled on anyone yet. A few days ago I asked him, “When are we going to finally settle on the caterer for the event?” He said, “Oh I haven’t told you? Mom says she’s going to be the caterer for us. That’s why I haven’t talked about caterer all this while. Sorry I didn’t tell you.”
I said, “No. Your mom won’t be the caterer. Has she done it before? This is not food for the family ooo. This is food for large people and it takes experience and special skills to do that.” He said, “Is it not banku and rice? Who can’t cook banku and rice?” I said, “since we started this whole wedding thing, I’ve always allowed your mother to have her way. I beg you. I beg you in the name of God, don’t let us do this one. Not that I don’t believe your mom but this is something we can’t try. We only have one chance to get it right. I beg of you, let’s get a caterer” He said, “If you can talk to her to change her mind, then fine, because I can’t go and tell her.”
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See me see trouble. We have only a few weeks to an occasion we’ve spent the best part of our lives to plan but the man I’m getting married to can’t convince his own mom to look at things our way. Honestly, at this point, I’ve lost interest in the wedding. I just want to call everything off and just go to the court, sign the papers, and go our way. The way things are going, I don’t believe our wedding would have a good ending.
I can’t assemble friends and family in one place and display incompetence right in front of them. I’ve thought about things deeply and court marriage would be the best for us. After all, his mother doesn’t want us to waste money, so she should be happy for us when we decide to rather go for a court wedding.
Am I being petty? Am going extreme with the whole thing? To be honest I’m scared. I don’t think I can wear my wedding dress on that day and sit still without thinking of all the things that could go wrong. To avoid all that and more, it’s better we don’t do it. The most important thing is the marriage itself and not the wedding. It’s better we do a court wedding than to put up a bad show in front of well-wishers and friends.