What Does It Mean When Your Wife Begins to Hide Things From You?
Before my wedding, My dad sat me down and said few things to me. He “Junior, I hope you know what you are getting yourself into. I have seen how you look at Abena. Love is evident. But know this…it’s not going to remain like this forever. One day, it will all come down to deciding to stick with her. The love you feel today will be reduced from a feeling to a choice someday. When that day comes, I hope you do what is best for you first with a lot of consideration for your family.” I still remember those words. It rings in my ears whenever I think of that day.
As much as I appreciated the advice my dad gave me, I had no doubt in my heart that the love I had for Abena would last a lifetime. She is everything I dreamed of in a woman and more. She is the most beautiful woman I have met in my entire life.
On our wedding day, as she walked down the aisle, I cried. I could not believe she was finally mine. I get to spend the rest of my life with the absolute love of my life. I made a vow to myself; “I will be the best husband she could ever dream. Her needs, my responsibility.” I promised myself to make marriage the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to her. I didn’t know much but I knew that trust, communication, and commitment were the foundation of every great marriage. I was committed to ensuring that those elements would be established in my marriage. I started early—very early when we were dating. I opened up about everything. She had all my passwords. She had a key to my house and she knew every source of income I had and how much I made. I made sure we spoke freely about everything.
I’m a traditional man. I love being the provider. In my world, it’s a man’s job to provide for his woman so the man in me didn’t want my wife to do anything when it came to provisions although my wife earns fair enough. I insisted to be the sole provider in our family. She does things on her own though. I remember. During preparations for our wedding, I gave money for everything. Somehow, she found a way to hide some of the things from me so she could take care of them. I love that about her.
In our second month of marriage, we were having a random conversation when finances came up. I asked her, “How much do you have saved up? I know you’ve saved a lot. All the money you’re not using is saved up somewhere I know.” I smiled, expecting her to mention a bewildering figure. To my utmost surprise, she replied, “Mmm, nothing oo. I don’t have anything in my accounts.” “How is that possible? What did you use your money for” I asked her?
My wife is not a spindrift. She lives well within her means so it was hard to believe that she had nothing saved up. “I honestly don’t remember what I used it for,” she said. “All I know is, one day there was money in my account. The next day it was gone. It wasn’t stolen but it was gone.” She was getting a bit worked up about it so I quickly calmed her down. I told her, “Money is like that oo, if you don’t pay attention to it, it always finds a way to slip. Don’t worry, I will create a plan for you. It has helped me develop a great saving culture over the years. You can apply it and it will help you.” We moved on from that conversation. It got her worried so I decided not to talk about money with her again, especially when it comes to her money and how she spend it.
I was using her laptop one evening when an email dropped. I checked and it was a bank alert. It was her salary information. When I saw the amount that had been paid to her, I opened my mouth out of surprise. “Eiish, she makes all this amount in a month and she still complains about not having anything?” From what I saw, her salary had doubled from when last she mentioned her salary to me. Her income wasn’t something she could spend without noticing. I was taking care of all the expenditure of the house and giving her money for her upkeep so there was nothing else to use her money for. The only reason she could not have money will be that she had invested her money into something else or had bought a property from her savings.
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This is what keeps me up at night nowadays. It doesn’t make sense that my own wife will lie about her income to me. Not for once have I shown interest in her money so why? It is either she has money saved up and doesn’t want me to know or has used her money for something that she wants to keep from me. Thinking of the possibilities makes me scared of the woman I married. I am beginning to doubt her whole existence. “If she is lying about her own money, what else would she be lying about? Does she have a malicious agenda? What could it be? These are the questions I keep asking myself. I am doubting everything I have ever known about her. People who lie about little things lie about big things. I didn’t say that. The bible did.
I want to talk to her about it but I am scared of the decision I would have to take after we speak. Whether or not she tells me the truth, the trust I have for her is broken. The whole thing is making me feel that desiring transparency in marriage is a dream too far. But why should it be this hard for a wife to be transparent to the man she lives with? I don’t know how to move on from this because I feel betrayed.
Divorce is hard to think of because my marriage is too young but trust me, It’s hard not to think about it at this stage of my life. I still want to continue being the husband I vowed to be but I am scared of what she might be hiding from me. How do I get over this? I need advice, please.